At two and a half my son woke up dry from naps and bedtime. He could talk about the potty, seemed to understand the concept, and was at a good age to give it a shot. We got Froggy Potty, pull-ups, kids friendly wipes, soap, a step stool, and a lot of advice. The problem was, he showed no interest. Ok, no problem. We put Froggy in the bathroom and let him sit on it whenever either of us went to the bathroom. Around this same time Demon decided he didn't want anyone to change his diaper. He wanted to wear one, he just never wanted it changed. Every diaper change involved a kicking, screaming, hitting, biting, wrestling match. I was seven months pregnant, and dreaded every diaper change. The diaper changes got worse and worse, and, if there was poop? Forget it. It was easily a two person job. One person to hold the top half of him down, and the other to try and retrain the bottom half while cleaning poop, while also minimizing the poop that ended up everywhere else (including on both parents.) There's little worse then having to physically battle someone to get them to allow you to do something you really don't want to do. Amazingly enough, even as a mommy, wiping someone else's ass wasn't on the top of my list of things I actually wanted to do.
I was complaining to one of my friends one day who had older children. She said, "Oh, my son did that too." Hallelujah! At least it was normal behavior, and not some weird manifestation of early diaper changing trauma (this is a joke, but if you've ever been a parent you know, you question every possible thing your kid does looking to see if maybe there is something wrong, and if maybe it's your fault.) She told me that what she ended up doing was buying a thing of super cheap diapers, and telling her son if he sat in poop all day he'd get ouchies on his butt. She said he figured it out pretty quickly. I mean, who wouldn't? (haha) Brilliant!
So, the next time my kid took a big old crap and acted like I was trying to forcibly remove his soul when I told him it needed to be changed I let him run around in it. After an hour I got sick of smelling him, though he, apparently, wasn't sick of sitting in it. So I wrestled him into the bedroom and stripped the diaper off. Sure enough, he had a big old diaper rash on his butt. "See, this is what happens when you sit around in poop. If you just let mommy clean you up, you wouldn't have an ouchie." Unfortunately, the diaper rash and didn't improve his outlook on diaper changing.
The next day he pooped again (it tends to be a daily occurrence, which is why the physical assault during it was wearing thin.) He did not want me to change his diaper. If possible, he was even more vehement then the night before. By the time I wrestled him into the bedroom, and got his diaper off he had a big, giant, open sore on his diaper rash. This, remarkably enough, didn't make wiping all the crap off his butt any easier. This seems to be around when he decided he NEVER wanted his diaper changed, and any attempt turned into a lion wrestling match. He didn't want his diaper changed, EVER, he screamed when I put him in the bath, looked at the wipes container, or even suggested diaper cream. After a few days things had gotten so bad I took him into the doctor. Sure enough, he had a staph infection on his butt. (with a 1in by 1in open sore) We got antibiotics, diaper cream, and a recommendation to add some baking soda to his bath water to help take the sting out.
After the infection cleared up, he was still a monster about diaper changes. I mean, I completely understand when it hurts, but once it stopped hurting, he got even worse. He turned into a, well, Demon. Screaming, howling, kicking, biting, screaming, running, writhing, did I mention the screaming? He was suddenly like an unhappy cat, hard to catch and all sharp points. One afternoon he was so bad I was sure he'd broken my nose and given me a black eye. (He had given me a black eye before, and broken my toe, so it wasn't out of the question honestly) I had had enough. I told him he wasn't getting any more diapers and left the room.
He was not happy about this sudden change, and it probably wasn't the best way to start potty training, but I was at a loss for anything else to do. Reduced to tears and hopelessness with a small baby in the house, I set Froggy in front of the TV, and told him he wasn't getting any more diapers, or pants for awhile. So he ran around naked from the waist down.
Amazingly, it worked. He peed in the potty. Every. Single. Time. There wasn't one accident on the floor. If I suggested he pee in the potty he threw a fit, but if i just ignored him he went all on his own. He even did it standing up, and never missed. Well, that was easy.
My husband wasn't really on board with this naked child approach I'd decided to take. He was sure that our son should not be *gasp* outside without pants on. So, every time Demon went outside Husband made him put on pants. (I mean, maybe he had a point. I suppose naked toddler is a little startling for the neighbors in a neighborhood where you can see everything in everyone's backyard for the entire block) Here we hit a snag. When we put underwear and pants on him he peed in them, every time. Well, ok, but he still went on the potty when inside, as long as he didn't have pants on, and it was summer. This could still potentially work...
All parents learn quickly that peeing and pooping in the potty are two very different things. Pee is fine, poop, not so much so. Usually he'd wait for me to put a diaper on him at nap time. I told him if he pooped in the potty he could wipe, but if he pooped in his diaper he had to let me wipe him up. Which wasn't so bad. He was getting better about letting me clean it up.
Then, one nice summer day, about two days in, he came inside and told me he pooped outside and the dogs ate it. I double checked this statement to make sure we weren't having a communication error. He was adamant that he'd pooped in the backyard and the dogs had eaten it. I was skepitcal. Our dogs had never eaten poop before (though, in all fairness, as far as I know, no one had ever pooped in our yard before) and Demon had just starting telling me made up stories, (I'm a pirate, I'm a puppy, I went on a boat) so having him make something like that up was pretty standard. I shared the story with some friends and we all had a good laugh at my imaginative child.
Two days later he came inside, said, "I did it!" and handed me his underwear. I said, "you did what?" He said, "poop." I said, "you have to poop?" He said, "yea." I stood up so we could do the potty thing, and the smell hit me. I look a little more closely at the underwear I was holding. I said, "I think maybe you already pooped some." He says, "yea. I poop! Outisde." Well, shit. (literally) As I gathered my poop filled underwear, and asked him to walk to the bathroom so I could throw them in the wash and clean him up, and I get a good look at him. It wasn't just poop, it was diarrhea. It was all down his legs, on the bottoms of his feet, on his butt, there were little diarrhea footprints through my house, ARGH! POOP! EVERYWHERE!
I took him into his bedroom, laid a towel down, and told him to lie down on it. I tried to wipe as much up as I could, but it was sticky, and dried, and EVERYWHERE. So, I cleaned him up the best I could, and stuck him in the tub. I washed the poop off, and drained and filled the tub a couple of times. Then I added bubbles and toys and let him play, with the bathroom door open. I collected the clothes, the towel, and anything else he may have touched, and threw it all in the wash. I them cleaned the little poo footprints all through the house. I checked on him one last time (Disclaimer: out house is really small, so the whole time I was not more then 5 feet away form him at most) and opened the back door to check the deck, which is where he said he pooped. I took a good look and didn't see any poop. I did, however, see three dogs happily licking their chops.
Take a minute, it's gross.
This is the exact moment I decided my kid could go to college in diapers. It's fine. He'll be fine. I mean, maybe a little socially awkward, but not pooping-in-theback-yard-laughing-when-the-dogs-eat-it socially awkward. Back in diapers he went. Luckily for me, for whatever reason, he'd gotten over his screaming, fighting, whatever, thing that had been going on. Now he let me change his diapers like a nice civilized child. Why not? He'd won this battle. No potty training for him.
That fall he started in a daycare. I stay home, but he was freaking out being stuck inside all day with me and the baby. So, after several harrowing weeks I decided he needed more social interaction. He loved daycare. He loved the kids, the teachers, the learning, everything. Two days before the beginning of December my husband got laid off (which is a whole different blog post) and we pulled Demon out of daycare until we worked out a plan. (or a job) When he left his current teacher told us when he came back he would be in the three year old room, and that he was ready to potty train. She said every day when they went to the bathroom, he went in, took off his dry diaper, sat on the potty and went. His diapers were dry and clean all day at daycare. Well, ok, here's a professional, someone who has worked for years with children, telling me that my kid is ready and we shouldn't have any problems. Maybe a few accidents, but no real problems. Plus, it was freezing cold out. Not the kind of weather that makes one wants to pull their pants down outside. These are both good signs. She gave me a hand out and sent us home.
The first thing the hand out said was, no pull ups, nothing with a waterproof liner, nothing but regular underwear. Everything that keeps the wetness in, also keeps them from getting uncomfortable. If they're never uncomfortable why would they want to stop what they're doing to go to the bathroom? Good point.
And this is when I figured out the trick to potty training. The secret to potty training is: you put them in regular pants and wait for them to get sick of peeing on themselves. Yup, that's it. That's the whole trick. The problem is that parents (me) don't want to clean up the mess form potty training so we try all these new, awesome, inventions, and technology, and spend all this money. The truth is, it usually won't work. What works, every time, is putting them in pants and waiting for them to get sick of peeing on themselves. I mean, it has to happen eventually, right? So, I decided, "ok, he won't go to college in diapers. He may go to college peeing in his pants, but it won't be in diapers." One step forward.
It's been several months since I started this blog post. The "secret" still holds true. Austin did ok with potty training. He got it all figured out, and had no accidents for days. Then it got boring and he started going in his pants again. I just kept cleaning him up, and hoping he'd eventually get bored of sitting in poop. (I mean, I know it's been three years, but eventually he has to, right?)
He started back to daycare, now a 3-4 year old preschool room. After the first day or two he had NO accidents, none! ...at school. Now, two months in, he has no accidents at school, ever. He has no accidents at grandma's, he has no accidents while we're out of the house. He is completely potty trained.... around anyone but us. Away form his parents he will go in the potty every single time. If he's with us? He goes in his pants. Every. Single. Time. There's not even a coincidental going in the potty. I don't fight it, or argue anymore. I know he can do it. He's just torturing me because he can. Ok, so he's potty trained, he can go to college no problem. He'll just pee in his pants while he's at home. Really, in the big scheme of things, it's not so bad. Plus, I'm still convinced he'll get sick of it, eventually. Right?
Disclaimer: you should wait for your child to be old enough to be ready to potty train before attempting this. If you're going to try this method you need to be prepared to clean up whatever comes out of your kid without getting mad. You can't put a lot of pressure on them, you can't punish them for getting it wrong. I am of the opinion that there are very few moments in your child's development where making the wrong single choice could really scar them for life. Potty training is one of them though. Seriously, no one wants their kid to grow up with an unhealthy bathroom complex. The truth is if your kid doesn't have developmental problems, they won't go to kindergarden in diapers. They figure it out. Forget all the mommy pressure, forget all the opinions that all kids should be potty trained by 2, or by 3, or whatever. It's silly, it's part of the "mommy wars," and it's just designed to allow some mommies to feel superior to others. Kids figure it out. They do. They just figure it out quicker if you sick regular pants on them and they can get sick of being uncomfortable, sometimes. (And even then they still have accidents)
I'll let you all know when my kid stops torturing us, and decides he'll go in the potty at home, instead of just out of the home. He knows how to do it, he just doesn't feel like it. It has to happen eventually. ....right?
"He doesn't leave it on the back deck anymore, we've got to check in here"
